Loss and sadness

Current Weight: 245.8lbs
Lost this week: 4lbs

Thank god I got that gain from last week corrected. All week I just kept focusing how undoing that rather epic damage, and thankfully I was able to. Now I'm just aiming to get into the 230s before Canada day weekend. I'm also feeling very determined to reach my goal lately, but it isn't for a good reason. One of my cousins has been diagnosed with stage 4 breast cancer that has spread to her liver, abdomen, and ribcage. It is absolutely catastrophic and I am really really sad for her. She has three young daughters, one of whom is just a couple months old, and all she is thinking about is the effect her cancer is going to have on them. The fact that my cousin is only 39, has lived an exceptionally healthy life, always ate right and was very active, and STILL has been hit this way makes me selfishly very scared for myself. Unlike her I did everything WRONG for twenty seven years and even though I am taking care of myself now I still worry about what damage I have done... So I am focusing hard on my health now, trying to reduce my risks as much as I can.

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Hunger: high, though it is due to stress I'd say
Body Image: pretty good
General disposition: alright, all things considered
Song of the day: Bang My Head by Lena

Growl

Weight Lost This Week: GAINED 4lbs
Current Weight: 249.8

Okay, so I expected a gain this week because Tiff and I hung out this past weekend and ate like idiots but 4lbs is ridiculous. Seriously, what the hell. And as it turns out I was down to 248.0 the day after my weigh in, so really I should only be up about 2lbs, which makes a lot more sense. Plus, I'm having my period so that never bodes well for my weight. Anyway, this four pound gain is intensely annoying because I know it isn't accurate, but there is nothing to be done. It just means I'll have a big loss week next week. :)

In other news, my awesome work outs at the gym have resulted in a major spike in my metabolism and hunger levels. I cannot seem to get full, regardless of what I eat. On one hand it is great because it means that my body is getting built back up to where it was pre-surgery and my work outs are paying off. On the other hand I am starving all the time, I'm waking up hungry every morning. Oh well.
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Hunger: INTENSE
Body Image: fairly good
General disposition: thankful but sleepy
Song of the day: Rock of Ages by Def Leppard

Back on track

Current Weight: 244.6lbs
Lost this week: 3lbs

I am really feeling like everything is back on track. I got some really excellent work outs in this week and clearly they paid off. Three pounds is a little bit too much to lose in one week, but I'm not really complaining. What I AM going to complain about is the extreme fatigue I am suffering from at the moment, presumably from the antidepressants I'm taking. I'm always fairly low energy, but the past week has been crazy. I'm taking 3 hour long naps and then still sleeping through the night. It is a real struggle to get to the gym too, and I am yawning all through my workouts, which is kind of embarrassing actually. Luckily I have a doctor appointment next week so I'm hoping she'll have a solution. I suspect it will be to reduce my dosage, especially since I am feeling so much better emotionally now.

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Hunger: not very hungry but I've had INTENSE cravings
Body Image: not great actually. I feel ponchy
General disposition: Good but tired
Song of the day: Fortune Son by CCR