Losing too much weight?

I am psychologically bottoming out. My lethargy and apathy is growing by the day, I feel weak and so completely not myself. Generally I'm not sad (though I have those days), but it is more simply not caring about anything, which isn't like me. I don't think it is depression, but rather withdrawal from my almost daily endorphin rush from going to the gym. It is a very real thing, developing a dependency on those chemicals, the rush and totally pleasurable feelings you get from killing it at the gym and pushing your body so hard. I feel so completely not myself, and truly it isn't the isolation that is making this so difficult for me. It is the withdrawal. 

Apart from the lethargy and the melancholy, I also am suffering a pretty significant loss of appetite. I'm having trouble eating enough simply because I'm having a mental block around eating when I'm not hungry so I'm frequently having up to 5 points left over at the end of the day I just don't get around to eating. I got harped at a bit this weekend that I need to eat more, and that since I have lost and am losing a significant amount of weight. I weighed myself over the weekend, and have lost a significant amount of weight, even with the cast on. My parents' scale read 245.8lbs, which I actually think can't be right. Regardless, I have been told I need to take a multivitamin with extra iron. Fine. I think the problem is being over stated, some of the weight I have lost since the surgery is muscle mass, but I will concede that I have also lost fat as well. My parents are worried I'm not feeding my body enough to be able to heal effectively from my surgery. I think I'm probably fine, that I am eating a sufficient amount, but I will do what I am supposed to and try eat more.

That said, my recovery is going okay, and I am going to try going back to work in my office tomorrow. It will be really nice to start moving towards a normal life again. However, I have been strongly suggested to call my surgeon because my foot turns a horrible colour when I stand up. It should not be discolouring this much a month after my surgery so I'm going to call her office and see if I should go back to the fracture clinic or what. 

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Hunger: not much lately

Body Image: fine

General disposition: melancholy 

Song of the day: Written In Reverse by Spoon

New plan to stay on track

I'm still concerned over staying on track while I recover from my surgery. It is hard, and I'm pretty sure it is only going to get harder. The longer I stay stuck in this apartment the more inclined I am to just eat and eat and eat, simply from boredom. However, I have found that watching Biggest Loser gives me a big influx of motivation. Back in September I never would have thought that I would like the show, let alone getting any sort of positive feelings from it, but seeing others struggle and fight and work so hard to lose the weight makes me want to stay the course. So I am watching the current season, and am currently obtaining a couple past seasons as well. Here's hoping that is the extra bit that I need to keep myself under control.

I really NEED that extra bit because I received a get well gift basket of candy from a frenemy. I was really excited at first and then it clicked in how brutal it was having them in my house when I am vulnerable like this. I haven't seen her in over a year, I don't think she knows that I am trying to lose weight, and the old me would have LOVED that basket. If she had known about the sort of paradigm shift I'm going through I doubt she would have sent the candy, but as it stands I now have delicious treats my name from the kitchen. It is like the Telltale Heart or something, them calling my name and haunting me in my own house. I should throw them out but that is so wasteful and I'm sure she spent a fair bit of money on it so instead I am keeping them, high up and hidden out of sight in the cupboard, and I hope they stay there until a time comes when I can eat them responsibly. (....so, never?)

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Hunger: None.
Body Image: Not great
General disposition: A bit gloomy today
Song of the day: Jailbreak by Thin Lizzy

Another week, another non-weigh-in... *sigh*

Well, it is thursday again and I can't weigh in... again. I'm still stuck in this stupid cast, still struggling. I'm still really minding not being able to go to the gym, I really miss being active. I knew it was going to be the hardest part of being the cast and guess what... I was right. I'm still worried about gaining a massive amount of weight back so I've been super careful with my points. Leaving the majority of my weekly points untouched is my only mode of attack. Hopefully it is enough...

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Hunger: nope
Body Image: not great
General disposition: a little glum
Song of the day: Run by Vampire Weekend

On track? I hope so.

First, this is my 100th post. Cool. :)

Second, my surgery recovery continues. The pain isn't much of an issue any more, but I still have trouble with my foot swelling and turning a horrible purple if I don't have it elevated so I'm spending my days sitting on my tush. Intensely boring. Since I'm being forced to be really inactive (my God I miss the gym) I have been incredibly careful with my eating. I'm trying hard to stay within my daily allowance and leave the bulk of my weekly points untouched. I hate that I can't weigh in! I have no idea how I am doing with my weight and I won't know until I get this stupid cast off. The best I can do is eat carefully and hope for the best.

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Hunger: not so much an issue
Body Image: Meh.
General disposition: bored
Song of the day: Walking on Broken Glass by Annie Lennox

Surgery sucks

So I'm supposed to weigh in today but that is obviously not going to happen because of my foot surgery. I mean, look at my x-ray.... those screws look HORRIFIC! LOL Anyway, this has been decidedly not fun and uncomfortable. I can get around on crutches fairly well but I'm not allowed to because every time I don't have my foot elevated it turns deep deep purple and hurts. I feel ugly and disgusting because I have to wear loose clothing to get over my cast, and my hair defies explanation it is so ridiculous. Blah. HOWEVER! I am back in my own apartment as of today, now trying to more or less fend for myself. This is an improvement over living at my parents' place, though it is going to be a little more boring and difficult.

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Hunger: nada
Body Image: not good at all
General disposition: Very despondent, frustrated, and helpless
Song of the day: I'm too frustrated to have one