2.3 pounds but still battling

Well, I weighed myself yesterday. Gained 2.3 pounds.

Okay, so I knew it was going to happen, and I knew while I was consuming the cheesecake and the pizza and rum that it was going to shows on the scale so I don't really have the right to be so pissed off but I AM pissed off. Massively so. Pissed off at myself. I've only had 4 weigh ins and I have suffered gains two of those. There aren't enough curse words in the english language to communicate how frustrated I am.

So. What to do with all this. Binge eat and give up? Yeah, maybe. Definitely tempting. I mean, I've been obese for basically my whole life and I am adapted to it, used to it, and frankly comfortable with it. I know how to dress my body when it is this size, know what kinds of reactions to expect from people. I have a positive self image and consider myself attractive. I date, I have sex, I have friends, I socialize. I have a great career and am doing something I love and am good at. I lead a very very happy life. All of this while being over 300lbs. I mean, everything I know and am comfortable with will leave along with the weight. So is it worth all this frustration, hard work, and stress trying to drop the weight?

YES.

It is times like this that I need to remind myself of that fact, that it IS worth it. It is worth breaking out of my carefully crafted life. It is a comfortable and undeniably happy life I lead, but I know that I could be happier. And it is the long term realities that I need to think about. Yes, I am happy now but years down the road I am going pay a massive price for holding all this extra weight. I've escaped relatively unscathed so far but I truly am a ticking time bomb for future health issues.

I don't expect or even want my life to be completely changed by weight loss. I don't think that by dropping all the weight I will some how have a job I love more, or that my friends will magically become even more amazing. I just want MORE of all the positive things I already have in my life and I want to be able to enjoy the fantastic things in my life more completely.

So I am not giving up. Gains will happen, as will stupid eating mistakes. But I am fighting this battle and I am in it for the long haul.

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Hunger: non existant
Body Image: average
General disposition: frustrated. Very very frustrated.
Song of the day: Gasoline by Living Daylights