So, I binge ate today. Sort of. At the very least I ate way too much. A friend of mine has a fisherman friend who smokes his own salmon. It is by far the best smoked salmon I have ever had. He does amazing cold smoked but he knew I like hot smoked a lot too so he did some up for me. Well, today I was given two large packages of hot smoked salmon, each about 9-11 ounces. One whiff of the salty smoky fish let me know that this was going to be the best hot smoked salmon I have had.
Well, I ate an entire package.
IN MY DEFENSE I was incredibly hungry all day, having an incredibly unsatisfactory lunch, so when I got home and saw that salmon staring at me.... yeah. Anyway, my plan was to eat it on a salad but the second I cracked into it I just sort of ate it all. (And this isn't the first time.) I still had the salad later but that is like saying "Hey, nice outfit!" to someone you just intentionally kicked in the nuts - doesn't exactly make amends, you know? And I didn't really acknowledge how much salmon I was eating until I had finished it. I pointed for it and actually am still within my daily points, but I really should have made smarter food choices. And the whole "eating so much so quickly that you feel like you are going to hurl" isn't exactly normal or good behaviour.
The other problem with the binge is that I felt (and still feel) so gross and heavy from eating so much that I didn't feel able to go to the gym. I'm still a little sore from yesterday's workout, but I would have toughed it out if I hadn't eaten myself sick. Maybe that is WHY I subconsciously decided to eat myself sick, to give myself an out for the gym. Hmm.
Furthermore, by hoovering all that salmon I ran a very real risk that my IBS would flare up and cause a bad attack but nothing so far, just a generic over-eating tummy ache. It was actually a huge risk because I have more or less stopped taking my medication for my Irritable Bowel Syndrome because it makes me a bit drowsy, plus I don't like taking so many pills all the time. Anyway, not having an attack means I have somehow dodged a major bullet there, Matrix-style (ie. all impossible, defying the laws of logic and physics). As glad as I am that I am not suffering an attack right now, part of me thinks that a couple hours of intense pain and epic gastrointestinal trauma would have helped the message hit home. ha ha ha
Furthermore, by hoovering all that salmon I ran a very real risk that my IBS would flare up and cause a bad attack but nothing so far, just a generic over-eating tummy ache. It was actually a huge risk because I have more or less stopped taking my medication for my Irritable Bowel Syndrome because it makes me a bit drowsy, plus I don't like taking so many pills all the time. Anyway, not having an attack means I have somehow dodged a major bullet there, Matrix-style (ie. all impossible, defying the laws of logic and physics). As glad as I am that I am not suffering an attack right now, part of me thinks that a couple hours of intense pain and epic gastrointestinal trauma would have helped the message hit home. ha ha ha
So what am I going to take away from this little event? Well, for one I am going to bring better and more filling lunches to work. An english muffin and a small apple does not a lunch make, especially when you did an intense 10 AP earning work out the night before. Coming home from work that ravenous isn't a smart plan. I'm fairly sure I would have binge eaten just about anything, but I just happened to find the smoked salmon first.On some level I guess it I should be glad I didn't find something worse first. Also, I am going to be more vigilante. Yes, I have done well the past 2 months, dropping ~20lbs, but clearly my dark passenger* is still with me. I can't get too complacent. I'm going to have to be more careful in the future to make sure it stays at bay. The finally thing I am going to take away is that I am not perfect, that there are going to be times when I make stupid food decisions, that I binge eat or just mess up, and that these times are not the end of the world. It isn't a failure so long as I don't let it defeat me. As long as I account for the food I ate, no matter how scary/embarrassing, and jump back on the horse as soon as possible all things can be overcome.
Even an epic salmon binge.
*you get 10 points if you got the Dexter reference.
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Hunger: Oh god, get it away from me! NO MORE FOOD!
Body Image: it was okay but I'm so over stuffed now I feel gross
General disposition: fishy
Song of the day: Moment of Weakness by Bif Naked
2 comments:
I love your blog.
Seriously.
And .. I would've eaten the whole package too.. so don't feel alone in that one..
ha ha well, I'm glad you enjoy it. I find it is easier to handle the nonsense that comes up while doing this if I write it down, though generally it ends me just babbling.
And that smoked salmon was so foolishly good I would challenge ANYONE to not have eaten it all! LOL I just think it is funny that I am repeat binger not on chocolate or chips or something like that, but SALMON! WTF!
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