I have FINALLY learned!

I have FINALLY learned my lesson from this horrible experience. I went to the market this morning, for the first time in a month, and before I left I told myself I would only get a small wedge of Rougette brie and just enough Mettwurst salami to eat with it. Well, after pushing my way past all the outdoor food vendors and the delicious smells of sausages, spring rolls, samosas and donairs I was feeling even hungrier. While I remained vigilant against the food vendors I did end up buy two hunks of brie (Rougette and a peppercorn brie) and half a pound of the Mettwurst. Arriving back home, my delicious treasures in hand and hungrier than ever, I normally would have felt inclined to just plonk the meat and cheese down on a plate and dig in. But no! Instead I carefully weighed out four ounces of the meat and five ounces of the cheese to eat today and put away the rest for tomorrow. And even then I only had about half of that and complimented it with a delicious salad for lunch! I still have half of today's portion left, sitting in the fridge, which is a seriously major victory. You have no idea. And I still have lots left to enjoy tomorrow too.

Here's the thing - my slowly developing ability to resist things isn't willpower, it is logic. Before I always approached food like the brie and meat as forbidden, naughty, and eating it was some sort of blaspheme. I'm not seeing it that way anymore, and that is so key. I am letting myself eat whatever the hell I want, nothing is totally forbidden or 'bad', so I don't have to justify eating things. There is no guilt or shame, no need to hide it from others, no need to eat a lot of it because it is a treat and I won't get it again for ages. Buying these things today at first felt forbidden and dangerous but driving home I sort of realized that no, I can eat delicious brie and savoury salami and not feel guilty. I am going to point for them, still going to eat veggies and other things today to keep things balanced, going to go to the gym this afternoon... why the hell would I feel badly about a little meat and cheese? It also just makes sense to eat a bit at a time so that the delicious experience is extended and so that I don't make myself ill. So because I removed the forbidden nature of them I didn't feel the need to horf down all of it. Instead I enjoyed and savoured what I have had so far, leaving lots left for later tonight and tomorrow. I don't feel sick or over filled, which would have made me sluggish and lazy all day. Instead I feel satisfied and content and ready to hit the gym and then tackle my chores for the day.

------------

Hunger: just pleasantly satisfied

Body Image: fairly good

General disposition: relaxed and happy

Song of the day: Bad Medicine by Bon Jovi