10% and 30lbs down!

If ever there was a occasion that warranted an epic rock kick, this is it. Yes, today I reached my 10% and am officially down over 30lbs. I am effing pumped. Okay, so I lost a little too much this week (4lbs) but after last week's .2 of a pound I figure it is part last week and part this week's loss. Frankly, all I care about is that I am down below 280 and am in the 270s. This is spectacular. I feel great, I am looking great, I am really proud, and I feel sure that I will succeed.

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Hunger: Moderately high
Body Image: kick ass
General disposition: freekin' accomplished
Song of the day: Good Thing by Reel Big Fish

unable to binge....

Sweet Merciful Crap. So today sucked. Due to suffering a disrupted sleep due to nightmares all last night, I was way over tired and feeling grungy all day. I also was incredibly hungry all day, even though I ate what I eat every day at work. I decided that tonight I was going to skip the gym and give into my craving and make a giant plate of pasta and eat it all, guilt free. Well, I made the pasta, long with some meatballs made from extra lean ground turkey. I pointed for all the pasta but after about a third of it I was totally full. Gimme a break! I mean, yes, it is good that my stomach has clearly shrank enough to make me not able to binge eat but I really just wanted to eat the thing I have been craving for weeks.

Well, at least my cat Rhubarb enjoys that I didn't eat it all.

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Hunger: uuuuuuuuugh too full!!!
Body Image: one word -- "Blorp"
General disposition: groady
Song of the day: Find My Way by Gabe Dixon Band

NOT ENOUGH PROFANITY IN THE ENGLISH LANGUAGE!

Here is the situation. Yesterday's weigh in sucked, with only .2 of a pound lost. It was frustrating but fine. BUT! Then I weighed myself tonight before my work out and I am down THREE MOTHER EFFING POUNDS from yesterday! (I'm at 277.2lbs.) And this is after a heavy lunch out with co-workers today! I am super frustrated. If today's weigh in counted then I would be officially down over 30lbs since joining WW, I would get my 10%, and I would be out of the 280s. But no. Instead I get a fregging 0.2lb change. There just aren't enough swear words. 

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Hunger: moderate
Body Image: fairly good
General disposition: Frustrated!!!
Song of the day: Scream by Michael Jackson (feat. Janet Jackson)

Super Lame Loss

Yeah, so down 0.2 of a pound. What the freg. Okay, so this week was my period, which never bodes well. And last week I weighed myself AFTER my work out so the loss was probably skewed, and this week I went back to weighing before the work out so the reality is that I probably lost more than that and that last week's was less than what the scale read. The temptation is to adjust last week's measurement so that this week's is more accurate but whats the point! I weigh what I weigh this week, it is what it is. I did, however, check my measurements and I am definitely down a fair bit that way. So I have seen losses this week, just not much weight wise.

I'm so effing close to being out of the 280s so I guess I have that to look forward to next week (hopefully)!! And you know, any loss is better than staying the same or a gain, so I guess it could be worse. :)

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Hunger: fairly high... waiting for my salmon to cook!

Body Image: meh

General disposition: excited for the weekend

Song of the day: A Must To Avoid by  Herman's Hermits

The Wendy Plan?

 So I was just on the WW boards and someone posted about suffering a major plateau and people were posting suggestions. One person's suggestion was using the Wendy Plan. I had never heard about it before so I searched and read about it and it seems to make sense. Basically you vary the amount of points you use each day, one day in the middle of the week being a lot higher, and that way your body doesn't adjust to eating less and it keeps burning calories at a higher rate. Again, I feel like this makes sense, plus it confirms what I have found personally. I weigh on Tuesdays and the week when I blow all/most of my weekly points on the weekend are when I have the biggest losses. (So maybe I'm not as screwed as I think for eating all that I did this saturday...) I think I am going to try to keep to this plan. I mean, I have more or less being doing it by accident most weeks, but I think I am going to be a little more deliberate and conscious of it.

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Hunger: Just had lunch so I am good for now but I have been STARVING today
Body Image: Pretty good today!
General disposition: Chipper
Song of the day: Gimme! Gimme! Gimme! by ABBA

Peeking is bad and Hallowe'en

First, I peeked at my weight tonight at the gym. Why do I do that to myself?! Every bloody week I peek on monday and it is never what I want to see. It is always a bad number. PLUS this week I've had my monthly visitor so I'm a little blorpy and what not which clearly isn't going to help. I've been drinking piles of water today but you never know how it is going to play out. I really need to stop peeking though. Nothing good comes of it.

In other news, I am getting my Hallowe'en costume ready. My costume is going to be "A Heavenly Body" or "The Night Sky". Basically I am going to spend the next week sewing on sequence all over my vinyl bustier (don't ask why I have one) and black pants, the sequence being stars. I am going try to put some of them in proper constellations too. And now tonight I am going to make a black tutu and have stars/sequences all through that. PLUS I have slinky black material with metallic stars and moons that I am going to lace into the tutu, saving some to tie into my hair that night. At the moment, though I just have 10 metres of black crinoline and a container of sequence staring at me. However, I think the costume is going to be spectacular and that vinyl top looks pretty kick ass these days. I'm pumped.


EDIT: Tutu done! Yay!

Now to sew on the sequence.... *sigh*
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Hunger: non-existant. Just had supper so I'm good.
Body Image: moderate. Not negative but not feeling super amazing
General disposition: mischievous
Song of the day: Wake Up by Sliimy

Anyone missing a planet? Because I think I ate one yesterday.

So my "genius" plan this week was to try to eat all my WP this weekend and to try to eat some of my AP later this week. Well, I ate them, almost all yesterday. Jesus H. That damned delicious market food burned basically all of my WP, just like that. Last time I was a the market I bought the same thing and sectioned it off, eating some saturday and some sunday. Well, yesterday I ate it all. I'm considering it a small victory that I did eat a little bit at a time, having it last all day, but in the end I ate it all which kinda sucks. PLUS I ate a massive pile of popcorn. Ugh.All told, I ate 59 points yesterday, which is disgusting. I feel gross. So why do I think it happened? Firstly, I was way too hungry when I went to the market. By the time I got back from the market it had been over 12 hours since I had eaten. Going to the market that hungry meant I ended up buying more brie then I usually would, as well as the fregging popcorn as well. And the fact that I am having my period is no doubt not helping. I feel like I want to eat everything. I also feel gross and bloated too, which isn't pleasant.

So basically now I am trying to muster up the urge to go to the gym this afternoon. I think if I go I will feel better, especially since I kind of half assed it yesterday at the gym. A good, intense work out will help make me feel less gross about eating that much yesterday, plus it will help undo some of that damage.

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Hunger: Not hungry but craving everything today
Body Image: um, not so good.
General disposition: frustrated
Song of the day: I Stay Away by Alice in Chains

25 (plus some) pounds down!

Well, this week was good for weight loss, even though I was worried. I'm down 2.6 lbs this week, which puts me over the 25 pound mark since joining WW. My weight loss graph is looking so pretty and downward! LOL!

It sort of makes up for the weight I didn't lose last week. This also makes me feel a lot better about weight training. I'm visibly gaining muscle and as much as I know it is good and means my metabolism is going to kick up it is still a little frustrating knowing you're losing fat but gaining muscle weight at the same time. Anyway, the point is that I am still losing while gaining the muscle and that kicks ass. I am, however, going to try eating more of my activity points next week. I have a little concern I'm not eating quite enough.

This also means that I am a lot closer to my Christmas goal. I still hope to be at 265lbs at Christmas and now I only have 16.2 lbs left. I have 10 weeks until then so I still think it is attainable. Fingers crossed!

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Hunger: I need supper so I am pretty hungry

Body Image: moderately good

General disposition: happy

Song of the day: I'm Into Something Good by Herman's Hermits

BMI is utter crap

For some reason (I forget why) I decided to check what my BMI was before I started losing weight and what it is now. Then I checked my BMI at my goal weight (180), but apparently I would still be considered obese at that weight. Now, let me explain why that is bull shit. First, I know that much less than 180-170 and I would look weird. That just isn't the size my body is supposed to be. To expect to be 130lbs would be ridiculous and I am positive I would not look the way I looked at that weight.

Secondly, the BMI scale doesn't take into account conxtex or body type. I, despite being morbidly obese at the moment have the body type that gains muscle very quickly and easily and am happiest when I am being very active. Even now, at just over 280lbs, I rack in hours a week at the gym and average ~8 activity points a day. I frankly most likely am predominantly a mesomorph, even though it would be hard to tell or even suspect it with my current weight being what it is. My father, though, is fairly convinced of it after seeing the results after only a month and a half of weight training, with visible muscle bulking up and definition of my shoulders, arms, and back, even through the fat.

So, this all means that I am predisposed to being more muscular, broad, and a little stockier. I'm simply going to be packed a little more densely into my frame, if you know what I mean, so I am probably going to look lighter than I actually am by a fairly significant margin. Even now I don't believe I look like I weigh 280lbs. I just don't, and mostly due to the fact that a lot of that weight is dense heavy muscle.  I'm 280lbs but I wear a size 20 pants. I can't be sure but I somehow don't think that is necessarily the normal size for someone my weight. The physical results of my weight loss are a little skewed as well.  Even though I have lost only about 55 lbs since last year my father, who is a physician and knows weight and weight loss, believes it to be closer to 70-80 lbs that I have lost. I may have lost that much fat, but I have gained an immense amount of muscle at the same time so the scale doesn't show the same results.

So my point is that BMI doesn't take into account body type or muscular build at all, and thus is total bunk in my opinion. I'm just going to toss any BMI references I come across and go along my merry way. For me I have two goals:

1. weigh below 200lbs
2. be physically healthy and fit

And even then, #2 is much more important than #1. I think the goal really needs to be health and physical fitness. As long as I keep going to the gym and working out I am going to be someone who is fairly muscled and my weight is always going to be a touch higher because of it, and so what! If I feel good and look good then all is well in my world.

So suck it, BMI. You can take your stupid no-context numbers and cram it where the sun don't shine.

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Hunger: nada

Body Image: awesome earlier, but a little "ugh" right now

General disposition: frustrated

Song of the day: Bodies by Drowning Pool

Pretty much the best thing you can hear at a gym

So tonight at the gym I was doing my normal routine. I finished my cardio and was working on the weight machines and a woman I have seen but never spoken to before came up to me and said:

"I just wanted to tell you - I'm a trainer here I've noticed how long you've been coming here and how often you come. I see how hard you work and I just wanted to tell you you're doing great and it is really noticeable. Don't worry, I don't say this to everyone, but I really think this is something you need to hear."

She didn't give me her name, she didn't try to sign me up for training or anything. It really seems like she was sincere and it was truly a very good moment for me. As much as I know I am down about 55lbs since I started a little over a year ago and have changed my appearance rather dramatically, it is really amazing to have have a total stranger tell me they have noticed. It also bares mentioning that yesterday at Thanksgiving dinner my family was really taken aback by my appearance. Some of them hadn't seen me since the spring and they were really impressed.

I guess the weight I have lost really is noticeable. :)

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Hunger: moderate
Body Image: pretty awesome
General disposition: very very pleased
Song of the day: Thank You by Alanis Morisette

What else am I supposed to do with my old fat pants?

8 hours

6 pairs of old jeans that are now way too big

140 blocks

1 broken needle

miles of thread

...

ONE AWESOME QUILT!

So this Thanksgiving I had an unscheduled day at my parents' place so I decided to bring home all my old jeans that are worn out on the thighs and now too big and decided to make them into a quilt. I've been saving old jeans for a while now, so I had six pairs to work with. I mean, the denim is fine apart from the thighs where I have worn holes through from friction (haha) and it seemed a waste to just throw them out. Anyway, I brought them home and took over an hour cutting them into as many six inch squares as I could squeeze out of a pair as I could. My mother sews a lot so thankfully she had a roatary cutter and whatnot which made the process a lot easier and faster. Also, I had this to look at while I worked...

Hard to not enjoy even the most tedious task when you have a sunset over the atlantic ocean to watch. Anyway, ages later I had 140 blocks cut. I was surprised that was all I got out of six pairs of size 24 jeans but I avoided the bits with seams and what not because it would be too thick to sew through. The solid blocks look a lot tidier as well. Anyway, six pairs of jeans = 140 blocks, and a GIANT pile of scraps...

Looking at my pile of blocks I noticed that there was a lot of colour differences between the different pairs of jeans I used so I thought it would be nice to make some sort of a pattern out of the colours. I actually planned it out on my computer first, trying out different colour patterns with the blocks that I had. In the end the diagonal gradient looked by far the best. So after that I had to sew all the blocks... blar. It took hours. So I laid them out on the floor in the pattern that I would be sewing them in and then started sewing each individual row. And even though it took hours sewing each row and the chair mom has at her sewing machine made my back ache like nobody's business, it was again hard to be too grumpy because I got to watch the sunset on the ocean out the window that way as well. :)

After all the rows were sewed I had to press the rows, then sew the rows together. This got kind of unwieldy pretty quickly because it was being sewn into one big unit.

In the end it was worth the hard work and it turned out great. :)

It isn't huge, but all I wanted it for was a lap quilt for my living room. I assume I will be using this quilt after my surgery when I am recovering. Help me to remember that just because I recovering from surgery and lamed up for a few weeks doesn't mean I get to eat like an idiot and put weight back on! ;)

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Hunger: quite intense actually. Really need a snack or something
Body Image: Pretty good!
General disposition: ACCOMPLISHED
Song of the day: Rudy by Supertramp

Uninspiring Weight In

So, not much of a loss this week. Only 0.8lbs, and I frankly think that is an exaggeration. I weighed after my work out so I probably would have had a stay-the-same week if I had weighed before. This week has been so strange points wise and I feel like I should or could have lost a lot more than what I did. Why? Well...

1.  I accumulated 35 activity points but only ate 5.5 of them, so I don't think I ate enough. This may contradict other reasons to come....
2. Rather than eating all my weekly points over the weekend I spread them out over the week.
3.  I also had a heavy meal for lunch yesterday while at a work seminar. 
4. Today's lunch was heavy as well as it was the thanksgiving meal at work and it is tradition that we go. 
5. I also haven't drank nearly enough water so I feel a little bloaty and gross. 

I'd like to think that next week, when I get back to how I normally eat and spend my points, I will see a bigger loss to make up for the weight I didn't lose this week, but I am doubtful. It is thanksgiving after all, and as much as I know I won't eat myself silly like I probably would have before I still will be eating more heavily than I would like.

In a very general way, not just in my weight loss, I feel like I have lost my mojo. Hopefully it is a short term thing and I snap out of it soon. Maybe I'm just getting sick or something.

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Hunger: moderate. I have a couple points left so I may have a snack before bed.
Body Image: moderately good
General disposition: vaguely gloomy
Song of the day: Face Up by Lights

Something isn't right...

1. I feel very dark and twisty. Something in my mood is majorly off kilter. I was fine all yesterday, had a totally kick ass workout at the gym, and then last night when I climbed into bed my head went to all the epic hurtles facing me in regards to my impending surgery and I got very upset and worried. Because of that I didn't sleep well at all and in the morning when my alarm went off I smacked what I thought was my alarm clock to make it snooze. It wasn't my alarm clock. It was my cat Rhubarb. Needless to say I have had a cranky cat today. And then tonight it turns out my Thanksgiving plans got all shifted about so it went to a nice gourmet dinner (that I would be able to order smartly at) out with just my parents and some good visit time with my friend/cousin Tiffany to having a whole extended family giant dinner prepared by my aunt who I am very hurt and angry with at the moment (long story) and Tiff isn't coming home now. I am very disappointed. Being over tired and already kind of emotionally worn thin that set me off a bit so when I called my parents to confirm this change had been made I ended up having an argument with my father. Awesome. I am so looking forward to this weekend now. (That was sarcasm, btw.)

2. I don't think I have eaten enough this week. It isn't that I have been hungry, but just that I haven't eaten enough to account for all the activity I have done. I have done four really good, intense workouts at the gym with a fifth probably coming tomorrow and I have eaten good healthy foods all week, lots of water and veggies, but when I sneaked a peek at my weight tonight I was the exact same weight as last week's weigh in. I think the problem comes from my not eating all my weekly points and none of my activity points. Behold my weekly chart:

As it stands right now I have 45.5 points available to me, plus tomorrow's daily points which brings me to 78.5 points I could, in theory, eat tomorrow... Not going to happen, believe me, but I think I shouldn't be left with such a pile of points left at the end of the week. Pretty much every other week I finish off my weekly points over the weekend, usually because of alcohol, but this week I haven't so I think thats the problem. Last week I consumed all my weekly points and all but 7 of my activity points and lost 2lbs. Doesn't look like I'll have that this week. Sucks, because I really could have used the emotional boost.

I guess the one benefit to having the giant gross turkey dinner is that I'll definitely use up all my points. :(

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Hunger: not really hungry but thinking I should probably eat something
Body Image: very blah
General disposition: pretty dark
Song of the day: Shake Your Foundations by AC\DC

Oie Vey

I don't know what the freg is up with today but I am suddenly feeling sad and like I want to eat EVERYTHING. I don't get it. I was fine and then POOF! Sad and aching for a binge eat. I'm not going to because what is that going to accomplish? but I want to. It is so strange. I think what happened is that my parents and I were talking on the phone this morning about my foot surgery and they kind of but the fear of God in me regarding how long I will have to be out of work, getting around on crutches, recovery time, etc. Everything they said was totally valid but it has stressed me out and now I am feeling emotional, thus triggering my desire to eat.

I know logically I should just go to the gym and work it out there, but it is rainy and cold and leaving my apartment isn't very attractive. Ugh, maybe I should just suck it up and go. I mean, I am not going to snap out of this funk by schelping around my apartment for the day. I have been telling myself that I am going to clean/organize my bedroom as it is at a Chernobyl-like state of messiness at the moment, but I just don't see it happening today. Much more likely is that I will tucked into my bed, wrapped in my duvet and cuddled in with my cat Rhubarb, and end up sleeping the day away. And then, since I slept all day I won't be able to sleep tonight which means I will have a crap day at work tomorrow and then be too tired to go to the gym tomorrow night... God that is a depressing series of events.

I really should just go to the gym.


EDIT: Okay, so I ended up in bed for a nap but my cousin/friend Tiff ended up calling right when I was falling asleep. We ended up talking for a bit and she basically told me to suck it up, get out of bed, and go shopping or something to make myself feel better. So I went shopping. I feel a lot better. Where size 24 used to be tight, size 22 fits a little lose now. And where size 3x used to be a bit clingy, size 2x fits perfectly. Such a nice change. So reaffirming. So I bought two sweaters, a blouse, a bra and a pair of jeans, all for under 200$. :)

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Hunger: Ugh, it's complicated
Body Image: meh
General disposition: oddly sad
Song of the day: Overload by Zappacosta

My face, it slims.

I just got a facebook message from my Aunt commenting on how I'm doing great on my weightloss and that my current facebook profile picture really shows how much I have lost off of my face. My first reaction was "Meh, lucky angle, thats all" but then I decided to look back and see if I could find a picture with my face in the same position to compare. Well I did....

The top one was taken just before I started WeightWatchers, just three months ago. The bottom one was taken just a couple of days ago. I have since dyed my hair back to my natural colour, obviously, but I think the weight loss in my face is pretty clear and frankly exciting.

I also think it is pretty effing hilarious I had my face in the exact same position. LOL

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Hunger: Nada

Body Image: A lot better after seeing this

General disposition: Chipper

Song of the day: Shooting Star by Bad Company

I have FINALLY learned!

I have FINALLY learned my lesson from this horrible experience. I went to the market this morning, for the first time in a month, and before I left I told myself I would only get a small wedge of Rougette brie and just enough Mettwurst salami to eat with it. Well, after pushing my way past all the outdoor food vendors and the delicious smells of sausages, spring rolls, samosas and donairs I was feeling even hungrier. While I remained vigilant against the food vendors I did end up buy two hunks of brie (Rougette and a peppercorn brie) and half a pound of the Mettwurst. Arriving back home, my delicious treasures in hand and hungrier than ever, I normally would have felt inclined to just plonk the meat and cheese down on a plate and dig in. But no! Instead I carefully weighed out four ounces of the meat and five ounces of the cheese to eat today and put away the rest for tomorrow. And even then I only had about half of that and complimented it with a delicious salad for lunch! I still have half of today's portion left, sitting in the fridge, which is a seriously major victory. You have no idea. And I still have lots left to enjoy tomorrow too.

Here's the thing - my slowly developing ability to resist things isn't willpower, it is logic. Before I always approached food like the brie and meat as forbidden, naughty, and eating it was some sort of blaspheme. I'm not seeing it that way anymore, and that is so key. I am letting myself eat whatever the hell I want, nothing is totally forbidden or 'bad', so I don't have to justify eating things. There is no guilt or shame, no need to hide it from others, no need to eat a lot of it because it is a treat and I won't get it again for ages. Buying these things today at first felt forbidden and dangerous but driving home I sort of realized that no, I can eat delicious brie and savoury salami and not feel guilty. I am going to point for them, still going to eat veggies and other things today to keep things balanced, going to go to the gym this afternoon... why the hell would I feel badly about a little meat and cheese? It also just makes sense to eat a bit at a time so that the delicious experience is extended and so that I don't make myself ill. So because I removed the forbidden nature of them I didn't feel the need to horf down all of it. Instead I enjoyed and savoured what I have had so far, leaving lots left for later tonight and tomorrow. I don't feel sick or over filled, which would have made me sluggish and lazy all day. Instead I feel satisfied and content and ready to hit the gym and then tackle my chores for the day.

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Hunger: just pleasantly satisfied

Body Image: fairly good

General disposition: relaxed and happy

Song of the day: Bad Medicine by Bon Jovi

Down down down ... and no booze

Despite drinking a truly obscene amount of rum last weekend I still lost 1.8lbs this week. Kick ass! I'm starting to think that as perhaps, counter inutitive as it is, in order for me to lose I need to eat all my WP and some of my AP. Last week, for example, I ate all my WP and of the 22 AP I earned I only had 7 left over, yet I lost almost 2lbs. I've been losing ~2lbs consistently for the past four or five weeks, which is great. Still waiting on a plateau to hit but for now I'm riding this wave happily. I'm also losing a little more weight a week than I anticipated so it is altogether possible that I will reach my Christmas goal of 265lbs before Christmas! Basically right now my plan is to try to get my weight down as much as I can and my fitness up as much as I can before I have my surgery. Hopping around on crutches isn't going to be made any easier with extra weight!

Talking to a friend of mine today I mentioned how I'm not going to drink all this month. He made some wiseass crack like "Yeah, right!" so I replied with "Wanna bet?" And so we did. The bet is that if I drink at all before Hallowe'en then I lose and I have to tell him who told me (allegedly incorrectly) that he is a closet smoker, something he has wanted to know for the better part of a month. I've not told him because it has been very amusing having him guess every day. Anyway, I have to tell him if I drink before the 31st. HOWEVER, if I succeed then he has to wear an earring in his ear for an entire work day. He has it pierced from back in the 80s when it was "cool" for men to have it pierced, and while he hasn't worn an earring in it since then it still absolutely cracks me up. If you knew him it would crack you up too, believe me. Anyway, thats the bet. We drew up three pages of terms and conditions of the bet, signed it, and had another co-worker witness it. He is an awesome guy, hilarious and totally a good sport, so I know he will totally do it when I win.

And finally, I am still being incredibly vain about my hair cut. I effing LOVE it. So one last picture of my kick ass new bangs and I won't inflict my vanity on to this blog again... at least for a while. LOL

Man I love these bangs...... so awesome.....

okay I'm done.

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Hunger: a little over full frankly from the epic supper I just had

Body Image: frankly awesome

General disposition: very happy

Song of the day: Damn You Look Good (And I'm Drunk) by Cobra Starship